jueves, 8 de diciembre de 2011

How NOT to build a Chocolate Factory

Ok. So, I am presuming you are wanting to build a Chocolate Factory and are human, i.e. having cold feet on the matter.
The solution, you will be relieved to know, is very simple.
Get your feet even colder. Wet too.
Build a pond. Preferably a lagoon. Though at no time should you refer to said lagoon as a lagoon. Call it a pond. This way, your frustration levels and degree of despair will soar so delightfully that (a) all thoughts of scary chocolate factory building will be banished from your mind and (b) on the off-chance that they have as much as half a second to make a reappearance, you will instantly think how much of a doddle building a chocolate factory is and why on earth did you not stick with it as your original plan.
Anyway, back to the (unsubdued and unsubjugatable) subject.
A pond is a beast. A scary monster. If you are lucky, it will Only give you horrendous nightmares every night during the period of its construction. If luck is what you are out of, it will cause you to sleepwalk during said nightmares, looking for the source of its leaks in your sofa, seeking to correct the water level at your front door, and to pinch yesterday`s batch of freshly made chocolate from the larder. That last point is probably the only connection you will ever be able to make between a pond and a chocolate factory. It does not, however, make you a better chocolatier.
You may find that building a pond is an excellent way of getting rid of an unwanted business and/or sentimenal partner if, that is, you oblige them to dedicate considerable amounts (i.e., 96%) of their waking hours to assisting you in building your pond (ensure, of course, that it is always Your pond, never theirs, as ponds are a lawyer´s paradise when it comes to divorce settlements).
Building a pond with the women of your life is the best way of ensuring that she becomes the woman of someone else´s life. It also reduces your direct supply of bespoke chocolate